Don't fear change.
I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. After I showed her the first two pictures she said "I can't wait to see how different you are for posty!" Different was an understatement.
Anytime I book concerts I still get this little fear of worry in my gut because old Lo struggled so hard at concerts and events. I used to struggle so hard to do anything that involved a lot of walking or standing for long period of time. But this time was different. I was able to walk around with no worries, no back pain and no fear of the unknown. I never thought once...where can I sit down? I'm no longer trapped behind thoughts of "How am I going to make it?" "What if I can't walk that far?" "What if I can't keep up?" I'm literally crying thinking about this. Old Lo had so much anxiety behind situations like this. She had so much fear and worry that it literally would consume her. I legit thought this would be something I always struggled with. I accepted that I'd always just carry this horrible, dark cloud of fear around with me. Little did I know that cloud would slowly disappear and turn into light. All my worries and doubts would literally fall away because of one decision. I didn't just WANT to change my life. I knew that no matter what. No matter how hard it got and if all the odds were against me I was going to fight like hell. I was going to do whatever it took to make this who I am. Some days I struggle, some days are fucking miserable. But I know that no matter how hard it gets, I never want to go back to that place. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes me because I know deep down inside the only way to grow is to make yourself so fucking uncomfortable you want to jump out of your skin. No one successful ever succeed in life from their comfort zone. Stop making the excuses. Stop snoozing your alarm. Stop talking yourself out of chasing your dreams. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING will change until you decide it has to. I don't mean signing up to try something until it gets too hard. I mean showing up every single day no matter how miserable it can be and giving it your all. Stop talking about it and be about it. I'm not saying all of this to preach to you or make you feel like shit because you aren't doing enough...I'm saying this for the old Lo. I'm saying all of the things I needed to hear a very long time ago. These past few weeks have changed my life. I've been to more concerts and events in these past few weeks than I have in the past two years. I'm sitting here shaking my head because I cannot believe that. I'm finally just living. No worries, no fears, and no excuses.
Austin Richard Post, you were more incredible than I ever could have imagined. I danced from the time you got on stage until the time you got off. I had the best time of my life with one of my best friends in the world and I can't wait to see you again.
Shout out to Katie for the dress that I'm wearing! Without her I wouldn't have felt as badass as I do! You are my queen and I can't thank you enough for sharing your clothes that no longer fit you. You are my queen. Ya'll check her out for realz because she is KILLING IT! 😋 instagram: killinitwithkatie